Larry Brown Sports

So it’s about a day until the Bears and Colts embark for Miami to enjoy the media hump fest that is the week of the Super Bowl.  I’m not sure whether or not this is a good thing or a bad thing, but Bears DT Tank Johnson will be taking time out from his busy schedule of brandishing guns, sharpening knives, and rolling blunts, to make the trip. 

For a guy with a rap sheet longer than Mike McKenzie’s hair, you have to wonder how he’s allowed to play in the game.  Think about it, Tank has been arrested 3 times in the past 18 months (which I guess is tame in comparison to Chris Henry).  His charges include a scuffle with a police officer, a misdemeanor weapons charge, and most recently, 10 counts of possession of firearms without proper ID.

That being the case, how the heck was he let off?  Why is he allowed to go to Miami on vacation while awaiting trial for some serious offenses? 

Why don’t we turn to Assistant State’s Attorney Rick Cenar for some answers.  According to Cenar, Tank is allowed to go play because the trip is ”work-related.” Additionally, Cenar noted,

“Quite frankly we treated the defendant Mr. Johnson like any other defendant.” 

Right, he was treated like any other defendant.  Just check out the pictures below and you’ll understand that the treatment by the law enforcement officials in Illinois wasn’t at all preferential.

See officer (presumed Bears fan) congratulate Tank

See officer pat Tank on back and wish him well in Super Bowl

Uh huh, that’s what I thought.

You remember that game you played back in kindergarden?  You know, that game telephone?  Of course you do.  It went a little something like this – kids are all seated in a circle, teacher whispers some “code phrase” to the first kid, they’re supposed to repeat the phrase to the person sitting next to them, and so on and so forth until the code phrase has come all the way around the circle to be repeated to the teacher by the last student. Typically the code phrase starts out as something like trucks and blocks, but by the time it’s made a trip around the room, it comes out the other end as something like monkey a** f***.  You get the picture. 

Now it’s expected to have such an extreme lapse in communication when you’re dealing with a group of 5 year olds.  But it would be a little bit harder to picture amongst a group of professional adults.  Or maybe not.  From television station KTBS 3 in Shreveport:

“Rumors that [Terry] Bradshaw, a Shreveport native, had died of a heart attack swept through the area Thursday.  One theory as to how the rumor got started was that a local radio station reported a wreck on the Terry Bradshaw Passway — part of the Inner Loop — and that was misunderstood to say Bradshaw had passed away.”

Regardless of how the rumor was started, we have come to find that Terry is alive and well (or however you describe him), and he was in fact playing golf somewhere in Mexico when all the rumors were started.  Memo to media members: You have a lot of power.  What you decide to broadcast reaches and effects the lives of millions of people.  Is it too much to ask you to check the facts and do some INVESTIGATING journalism before you report things and cause a huge frenzy?  Didn’t think so.  As for the rest of this case…maybe we should examine what life would be like if Terry really had died?

In case I haven’t already made it abundantly clear, Gilbert Arenas is my favorite player in the NBA. You know what, forget the NBA. Gilbert Arenas is my favorite athlete. Ever. This guy is incredible. He is so great that I don’t even need to recount his greatness for you. He is the Benihana’s of Hibachi cooked food. He is the Adidas of sneakers. He is the face of the $0 dollar bill. He is the Phil Ivey of video poker. He is the Kobayashi of burger scarfing. He is the logo of the NBA…well at least he should be.

In the off chance you may deem me hovered in hyperbole, think again. For a quickie brush up, the guys at gilbertology will get you up to speed. Because I won’t bother. All I need to do is direct you to the single most entertaining read available. Ever. My friends, that is the NBA blog of the Hibachi himself – Gilbert Arenas. From his entry on Wednesday:

“[Phoenix Suns Coach Mike] D’Antoni said that after I scored 54 on them and made my prediction to score 50 on the Blazers that he’d like to see what I’m going to do against Duke.

I thought it was funny because if I have the chance to go back to college, I’ll give up one NBA season to play against Duke.

One college game, that’s five fouls, right?…40-minute games at Duke, they got soft rims, I’d probably score 84 or 85.

I wouldn’t pass the ball.

I wouldn’t even think about passing it. It would be like a NBA Live or an NBA 2K7 game, you just shoot with one person.”

Where’s the ticket, where? I’m in. Count me in. How much? Whatever you want. You got it. $1,000 bucks? Sure. To what? Watch Gilbert go video game on Duke? I’ll pay it. 84 or 85 points? Why not 100.

Look, I haven’t bought a pair of basketball shoes since the Grant Hill II by Fila when I was a middle-school wannabe. I think I may be purchasing my first pair in a decade. And yes – I am completely proud of this fact.

And pray to the goodness of Rory Fitzpatrick – Gilbert got voted in as a starter on the Eastern Conference All-Star team over Vince Carter. And all the elves and unicorns and manatees joined hands to dance around in circles celebrating the thought that all is right in the world.

Photo Credit Sports Illustrated

Like an old man trying to send back soup at a deli, Al Davis, got fiesty at Tuesday’s official introduction of Lane Kiffin as the new head coach of the Raiders.

San Jose Mercury News columnist Ann Killion asked Kiffin if he was concerned about taking the job - you know because taking over pretty much the worst offense ever is as great an opportunity as shaving the armpits of Billy Madison’s maid - and Al Davis stepped in to defend the position.  We’ll start with Killion’s question to Kiffin:

“This job has been kind of a black hole for coaches – you’re I think the 7th coach in a relatively short period of time.  What makes you think that you can be the difference maker here?”

Before Kiffin could respond, Davis stepped in:

“I would take that as an affront.  I don’t know why you said that and why you put those words ‘a black hole for coaches’.  Let me ask you this, who played in the championship game in the year 2000?  Who played in the championship game in the year 2002?  Who played in the championship game – we would’ve played in another Super Bowl – if not for the tuck rule, in 2001?  What other team in the Western Division or in the AFC can cite those kind of records?  Do you know Ann?”

Incidentially I came across some advised reading for Davis.  I guess getting rejected by Bobby Petrino, Steve Sarkisian, Dennis Green, and Ken Whisenhunt amongst others, won’t faze Davis who still believes there is an incredible luster that comes with the job of coaching the Raiders.  As for Kiffin, he becomes the Raiders’ 7th coach in 12 years. Good luck buddy. Just remember, you can always look to Art Shell, Mike White, and Joe Bugel to know what kind of stepping stone this can be.

Wheew, something to watch mid-week! Today in the NBA we have a matchup between the top team in each conference (record-wise) and I have to say I’m stoked for it. The Suns and Wizards are getting ready to tip-off shortly from the Verizon Center in D.C. At 24-16 the Wizards lead the Eastern Conference, while the Suns lead the Western Conference with a 32-8 record lead the Western Conference. The Wizards are 17-3 at home while the Suns are 13-5 on the road, pretty comparable splits. Last time the teams met was in late December and it took 54 points from Gilbert Arenas for the Wizards to win it. Even though the Wizards did it before (and on the road for that matter) it is going to take 60 points from Arenas to beat Phoenix this time. Considering each team has the best record in its respective conference at the near midpoint of the season, it would be fair to assume that this is a potential preview of the NBA finals.

However, I doubt we will be seeing this matchup in a few months for a best of 7. Despite having the top 2 candidates for MVP in the game (Gilbert Arenas of the Wizards being the leading MVP candidate, and Steve Nash being the 2nd candidate), I don’t think the Wizards will be able to reach the finals. Washington has a few inherent problems. Let’s start with their frontcourt. They are a poor rebounding team – and the combination of Etan Thomas and Brendan Haywood doesn’t exactly strike fear in the heart’s of opponents.

Secondly, although he is my clear-cut MVP favorite, Gilbert Arenas needs to prove that he is larger and more clutch than some of his Eastern Conference counterparts, specifically LeBron James. Last year’s 6 game elimination at the hands of the Cavs in the 2nd round of the playoffs came down to several last-second shots that Arenas missed.

Conversely, LeBron was able to drive the baseline and make the last second basket, not to mention psyche Arenas out at the free-throw line. Even though Gilbert has proved to be clutch down the stretch in the regular season thus far, most of his game-winners have been tie-breaking baskets. The difference between hitting a game-winning 3 with your team down by 2 and your team tied is the difference between bluffing Johnny Chan out of a hand and your next door neighbor (unless Chan’s your neighbor).

As for the Suns, count me in. I’m a believer and I’m buying the Suns in the finals. Yes I’m aware it’s going to be a tough road, but I think they have all the pieces in place. They have the speed, the outside shooting, the rebounding, and the depth to out-run you all night long. It’s not like last year for Phoenix when they had all these questions about Amare – now he’s fully in sync with their offense and they’ve proven themselves to be an offensive machine. Don’t tell Mark Cuban I said this, but Phoenix with a home-court advantage will take out the Mavs.

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Between Peyton actually winning, Reche’s crazy eyes, dudes with mullets winning golf tourneys, the Bob Sanders love affair, and Melo coming back - it was kind of easy to overlook a nice news item from the weekend.  Apparently former 3 time Vezina Trophy winner and 4 time Stanley Cup champion of the Canadiens and Avalanche, goaltender Patrick Roy, still has the best glove hand in the biz.  The Hall of Famer owns and coaches the Quebec City Remparts of the Quebec Major Junior Hockey league and is accused of hitting an opposing team’s owner following a junior hockey game.  From the Denver Post, 

“Police say about 50 fans of the Chicoutimi Sagueneens prevented the visiting players from boarding their team bus after a Friday night game.  Roy reportedly then got off the bus and attacked the Sagueneens’ owner.”

Well, I guess things could’ve been worse.  He could’ve made like Albert Belle and tried to run the fans over I guess. 

By the way, if anyone has a clue (without the aid of a search engine) what the **** a Sagueneen is, please let me know. 

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In case you missed it, Bob Sanders is the greatest defensive back to ever walk the face of the Earth.  Forget about Ronnie Lott, step aside Rodney Harrison, just disregard the fact that John Lynch was even even born. Heck, don’t even mention Dick Night Train Lane or former Defensive Player of the Year Ed Reed.  What for? 

There is a man who has completely re-written the history of the Safety position in the NFL, and ladies and gentleman, that man is Bob Sanders.  My friends, you don’t believe me?  Just get your answers from the announcers, talking heads, and writers.  Check this out from The Tampa Tribune:

“With safety Bob Sanders back in the lineup, fully recovered from arthroscopic knee surgery, the Colts have been the best defensive team in the playoffs”

Or this from some paper in Kentucky:

“Sanders’ physical presence has made a difference on a lightweight run defense that was getting pushed around all year. It’s hard to believe that the 5-foot-8, 206-pounder is the Colts’ hammer, but just ask his teammates.”

Other headlines have read, “Sanders brings hammer down for Colts defense,” and “Bob’s key to Colt ‘D’.”

Stacking up the mounting evidence in the case for the great Bob Sanders, he almost intercepted Tom Brady on Sunday!  From the Indy Star:

“Colts free safety Bob Sanders made the first crucial play. It could have been an interception, too.”

Brady should have wished his pass were picked off by Sanders – it would have made Tom that much closer to the lofty levels of greatness he only can hope to attain.

Look, I certainly am not one to jump to conclusions, nor bask in the effervescent exclamations of hyperbole, but even I can dig within the shallow reaches of my soul to admit that Bob Sanders is the Greatest Safety to ever walk the face of the Earth - perhaps even the most impactful defensive player of all-time. 

After all, without Sanders, who knows, the Patriots may have scored 44 points, or worse yet, 54 points. What would Peyton have done then?  Good thing he has Bob Sanders on his side. 

Yo Reche, who are you and what did you do with my receiver? And what the **** got into your body?  Maybe we’re all new to this considering he’s averaged just around 25 catches a year in 5 NFL seasons, but it’s still worth mentioning that Reche Caldwell is one weird looking dude.  I present you, Deer, Meet Headlights:

Nah, Nah, here come the men in black!

Duke –

*an ethically sound Iraqi exit strategy

*Bobby Knight going to the zone

*respect for the Pac-10

*sunrise in the west

*a logical argument for the popularity of Sheryl Crow

*Manning donating the $50 he’ll save by skipping his next gynecological exam to the SPCA

reply asap…these are cosmic times…

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So which one is it baby, spits or swallows?  In yet another twist of affairs in the Steelers coaching mystery, the Sunday edition of the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review says Russ Grimm will coach the Steelers.  Taking from the first line of Mike Prisuta’s article:

“Russ Grimm has been offered and has accepted the Steelers’ head coaching position, a source in Pittsburgh confirmed late Saturday.”

Prisuta writes the article with the confidence of a man holding pocket rockets, saying

“Grimm, 47, succeeds Bill Cowher, who coached the Steelers for 15 seasons before resigning Jan. 5. The hiring of Grimm will be announced Monday at a news conference.”

Now lets go back to my post earlier Saturday, Mike Silver of Sports Illustrated wrote an article saying that

“Mike Tomlin, defensive coordinator for the Minnesota Vikings, has been chosen as the Pittsburgh Steelers‘ new head coach, SI.com has learned.  He would succeed Bill Cowher, who resigned Jan. 5 after 15 seasons as the Steelers’ coach.  Tomlin beat out Russ Grimm, 47, a Steelers assistant for six seasons and their assistant head coach for three, who had been considered the front-runner.”

Silver’s story was confirmed by Chris Mortensen of ESPN,

“The Pittsburgh Steelers plan to name Minnesota Vikings defensive coordinator Mike Tomlin as their new head coach, ESPN’s Chris Mortensen confirmed Saturday night.  Sources told Mortensen that the team would announce Tomlin as coach either Sunday or Monday.”

Premier NFL reporter, Jay Glazer of Foxsports.com meanwhile reported what seems to make the most sense,

“In what Tomlin said was his only phone interview of the night, he told FOXSports.com that the Steelers said they want to sleep on their decision overnight, and that no decision has been made yet. ‘I hope I get it but these stories are driving me crazy,’ said Tomlin, who is a candidate to replace the departed Bill Cowher. ‘It’s just not true. And I really hope they don’t have an effect on the final decision, whichever way they go.’  The Steelers will wait until at least Monday to announce their new coach, and might interview Chicago defensive coordinator Ron Rivera that day for a second time if the Bears lose the NFC championship game.”

The other Pittsburgh paper, the Post-Gazette, is in accordance with Glazer,

“Steelers chairman Dan Rooney yesterday denied a Sports Illustrated story that said the team has chosen Mike Tomlin as its head coach.  “There’s nothing to that story on the wire,” Rooney said.  Other sources, most unwilling to go on the record, also denied there was any truth to the story.”

Is this crazy or what?  Who do you believe?  Could the national guys (Silver and Mortensen) have gotten the story wrong?  Did they hear from the same source?  Is Mike Prisuta of the Tribune-Review jumping the gun?  Is Glazer correct in saying the Steelers haven’t made up their mind and that they plan to wait?  I think it’s only fair to leave you with this final thought, “Dewey Defeats Truman!” 

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