Armageddon:

1. the place where the final battle will be fought between the forces of good and evil
2. the last and completely destructive battle
3. any great and crucial conflict.

My friends who do not live in LA, let me tell you. You are unfortunately missing out on armageddon. These past few days may have been the greatest ever in LA sports radio history. It’s mass hysteria. It’s comedy. It’s hilarity in its ultimate form. People skipping work to listen to the talk shows; their fingers are wrapped around the wrists of the city like boa constrictors, grasping for a pulse. Los Angeles is falling apart. I’m not sure a natural disaster could have created this type of commotion. The Northridge quake didn’t do this much damage. Daytime soap operas couldn’t produce this type of real-life drama.

It’s great. If you want to hear Laker fans break down, if you want to hear the ultimate shots of desperation and despair, tune into KLAC am570 or espnradio 710 on your computer. Could you imagine a greater week on the national sports scene? The most popular teams in the nation’s most popular cities are both going down in flames. And all it takes is a few clicks of a button to experience it all. Unfortunately we do not have a term in the English language that can properly describe this experience. Fortunately, the Germans do. It’s called schadenfreude. Join in with me and celebrate the Lakers as they go down in flames. It is hilarious.

Maybe some credence needs to be lent to the whining baby that is Kobe Bryant. Screamin’ A. Smith (you know what the A stands for, right?) got Shaq to comment on all the rumors of Kobe Bryant’s potential trade demands, and Kobe’s statement that the Lakers were making him the scapegoat. Kobe specifically said that Jerry Buss told him the Lakers weren’t going to re-sign Shaq before Kobe even decided if he would become a free agent. Here’s what the Big Fella said:

“I believe Kobe 100 percent,” said O’Neal, reached yesterday while in Los Angeles on business. “Absolutely. There’s no doubt in my mind Kobe is telling the truth. I believe him a thousand percent. I would have respected Dr. Buss more as a man if he would have told me that himself, because I know he said it. But he didn’t [tell me]. He never said a damn word to me.”

Well shoot howdy! It ain’t often you can get Kobe and Shaq to come out on the same sides of an issue — this has to be accurate. But it still doesn’t change the fact that Kobe is kicking, screaming, and calling every media outlet possible to get his side of the story heard. Yeah, that’s a great way to get potential teams interested in trading for you.

Mondesi’s House did a nice job pointing out this story a few days ago, but it wasn’t until I caught it at Our Book of Scrap that I read about it. Right up there with purchasing Luis Gonzalez’s used chewing gum, you can bid on a used Jack Lambert cigarette. No joke. Here’s the description on Ebay:

“WHEN I WAS OUTSIDE THE HOTEL MAKING SMALL TALK W/HIM WHILE HE WAS SMOKING HE THROUGH THIS BUTT ON THE GROUND & I GRABBED IT BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE COLLECTABLE. HE SMOKED A FEW OTHER TIMES BUT HE PUT THOSE IN THAT LONG TUBE TYPE TRASH CAN OUTSIDE PLACES THEY PUT FOR BUTTS. IF YOU HAVE A PHOTO OF CARD OF LAMBERT,THIS WOULD BE COOL TO FRAME W/IT AS A CONVERSATION PIECE, YOU GET THE BUTT & THE SHERATON NAPKIN”

Hope you caught this soon, auction’s ending today!

Probably about the worst-timed event for the Yankees. Everything that can go wrong is going wrong. And now the NY Post has caught Alex Rodriguez hitting up the town of Toronto with a blonde, staying in a separate hotel from the rest of his teammates. Doesn’t sound good to me. I just posted the story at MLB FanHouse, so check it out for more details. Big ups to Metschick at Ladies… for the serious tip.

Meanwhile, the Yankees are TIED for last place with the Devil Rays at 21-29. 21-29! $200 million buys you the Devil Rays record these days. That’s horrendously pathetic. So the question now becomes, who gets the chop first, Cashman, or Torre? And at least from the looks of the pic, A-Rod has some good taste. If you’re gonna dip into the charity box, better make sure it’s worth while, ya know?

I’d say Kobe’s about three steps out the door in LA [You Been Blinded]

And he’s calling every radio station in town while he’s at it [SPORTSbyBROOKS]

The madness is driving Jerry Buss to the point of a DUI [Brett Edwards at NBA FanHouse]

Petra Nemcova looking as good as it gets [Egotastic!]

Check the before and after pictures of these baseball cards and tell me these guys weren’t on the juice [Babes Love Baseball]

Now here’s a sport I can get into, chariot racing [We Are the Postmen]

Is that ranch dressing on your salad or are you just happy to see me? [I Dislike Your Favorite Team]

After seeing her in a bikini, now I know why they call her Miss Universe [Hollywood Tuna]

New to Kissing Suzy Kolber? Here’s your introduction [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

And in case you’re a College World Series fan, check out your regionals previews here and here. My Bruins drew the ‘Beach, Pamela’s Pepperdine crew, and some crappy midwest school [The Extrapolater]

With a nod to the real Mr. Brown for tipping me off to this story, considering he has taken up an equal enjoyment of the elixir as me, David Wright will be making millions off of Vita Water.

Mets superstar slugger David Wright cracked a financial grand slam that could be worth as much as $20 million when Glaceau – the Queens company whose VitaminWater drinks he endorses – was acquired yesterday by Coca-Cola for $4.1 billion.

Wright obtained a small slice of the popular beverage company last year.

But instead of taking cash to endorse the company’s flavored water brands, the third baseman, who says he started drinking Glaceau’s juiced-up beverages in the minors, took a 0.5 percent ownership stake in the company.

From the sounds of this story, either David Wright’s a genius, or the person managing his finances is. Almost $20 million extra? That’s like a whole new contract for Wright. It more than takes care of his inability to file for free agency while the Mets hold his rights. At times like, all you can say is get that sheep outta here! And it makes you wonder if David Ortiz and Brian Urlacher made the same genius decision.