Jared Allen Thought ‘Schism’ Was an STD

Mr. DUI aka Mr. Dirty Hits on Your Quarterback aka Jared Allen keeps getting a lot of attention from the media for two reasons: he’s a good player, and he’s a good personality. While his athletic ability was limited to those in attendance at practice, Allen’s colorful personality was on complete display when he was interviewed by ESPN Thursday regarding the report that there was a “schism” in the Vikings locker room regarding support for the team’s quarterbacks. Check out his comments:

“I don’t know where this came from. Like I said, I don’t think anyone on this team knows what ‘schism’ is, let alone could use it in a sentence. I thought it was an STD when I first heard it and I was like ‘whoa,’ we preach abstinence around these parts!”

There’s no doubt this dude is a total nut. You hear quotes like that and it just completely fits in with his personality — the weird mullets, the hunting outfits, the repeated DUIs. What a crazy mother. By the way, I’m having mixed feelings about the “schism” report. Last year I felt ESPN was out of line for intentionally going after the Cowboys and coming out with a report that T.O. was jealous of Jason Witten’s relationship with Tony Romo. I thought that was more of a bullcrap story whereas this one seems more concrete. Honestly, how can Brett Favre only decide to join the team after training camp ends and just expect the guys to welcome him with open arms? I’m glad he’s getting the sense that he’s unwanted because for many people who are tired of his charade, that’s how it is. By the way, aren’t there schisms on every team with a QB controversy? It’s only that this one really matters because it involves Favre.