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Grant Balfour has a truck big enough to tow Noah’s Ark

Grant Balfour truck

Hey Grant Balfour, I don’t think your truck is quite big enough. Maybe next time you can get something that you might actually be able to haul a few loads with. I mean it only has four wheels? That’s it? Weak sauce, man. And if you’re able to clear a freeway bridge in it, then it certainly isn’t big enough.

Try harder next time, Grant.

You know, after seeing Balfour get into it with guys like Victor Martinez and Albert Pujols, is it any surprise to see him driving this testosterone terror?

Photo: Rays Baseball

Redskins RB Alfred Morris still drives a 1991 Mazda sedan (Picture)

Not all professional athletes spend it all at an alarming rate. Rookie running back Alfred Morris signed a four-year deal worth $2.23 million with the Redskins back in May. While he can’t afford a collection of BMWs and Bentleys just yet, he could certainly afford a nice set of wheels. Instead, he’s sticking with his 1991 Mazda 626 sedan for the time being. And he calls it “Bentley.”

“It has some sentimental value to it now,” Morris said on Wednesday. “It just keeps me grounded, where I came from and all the hard work for me to get to this point. So that’s what helps me.”

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Morris Claiborne supposedly bought his parents this Cowboys-themed car (Picture)

Morris Claiborne was one of the reasons the Cowboys surprised the defending Super Bowl champs on Wednesday night, as he helped shut down New York’s talented receiving duo of Victor Cruz and Hakeem Nicks. The No. 6 overall pick is expected to be one of the keys to an improved Dallas defense this season, but we may not have expected him to give his parents the keys to a sweet Dodge Challenger with a Cowboys paint job.

According to Busted Coverage, the photo you see above was sent in by someone who lives in Claiborne’s hometown of Shreveport, La. We tend to believe Claiborne bought the car for his parents, because it’s either that or there is someone out there who is just way too big of a Claiborne fan.

For those of you are thinking this is how NFL rookies wind up filing for bankruptcy, the former LSU standout can spare it. Challengers aren’t all that expensive, and his rookie deal is worth a modest $16.26 million. When he gets into Floyd Mayweather territory and starts buying cars like this one, then we can start making fun of him.

Joe Maddon bought himself classic car as reward for new contract (Picture)

Joe Maddon enjoys some of the finer things in life. The Rays manager loves some good wine and he also is a fan of classic cars. To reward himself for the three-year contract extension agreed to with the Rays in February, he bought himself a nice love-me gift — a 1956 Chevy BelAir.

According to the Tampa Bay Times, Maddon bought the car in Arizona, had it restored and updated, and delivered to the Charlotte Sports Park. Maddon plans to drive it when the season starts.

Marc Topkin of the Times says Maddon was looking for a Charger, Roadrunner or Barracuda, but couldn’t find one he liked, so he chose the BelAir.

“When I drive this it’s pretty quick when it starts up, and I love the color and I love the interior,” Maddon said.

It’s a pretty sick ride, and certainly one Maddon deserves. It also definitely fits his style.

Picture Credit: TB Times Rays
H/T Business Insider

Rangers pitcher Derek Holland shows up to camp in a dune buggy (Picture)

Apparently some of baseball’s starting pitchers got together over the winter and agreed that they would show up to spring training in style. The photo above, which was taken by MLB.com’s T.R. Sullivan, shows us what Texas pitcher Derek Holland rolled up to Rangers’ camp in. Holland showcased his ride the same week Roy Halladay showed up to Phillies camp in this sweet car. I know what you’re thinking, but don’t worry — the dune buggy is street legal.

“It’s a Razor S,” Holland said. “It’s an off-road vehicle. But it has license plates so you can drive it on the road. It’s perfectly legal.”

It also goes perfectly with his mustache. Fellow pitcher Cody Eppley was Holland’s passenger on Tuesday and said he is a very safe driver. He’s also driven through the mountains with Holland. It sounds like the three of them had a great time.

Fist pound to Big League Stew

Roy Halladay showed up to Phillies camp in a sweet black hot rod (Picture)

You know that guy on the Dos Equis commercial? I’m starting to think he may not be the most interesting man in the world. Having a mother who has a tattoo that reads “Son” or being allowed to touch the art at a museum is pretty boss, but Roy Halladay may have him beat. The car you see above is what the Doc whipped to Phillies training camp over the weekend. Would you expect Halladay to show up in anything less than a sick black hot rod?

The Dos Equis guy may have won trophies for his game face or bowled a round overhand, but that’s all hearsay at this point. We have personally witnessed the Doc toss a no-hitter in his postseason debut and there are even rumors that he saved a young boy from an anaconda attack during a trip to the Amazon. He is, the most interesting man in the world.

H/T SI Hot Clicks

Bubba Watson Buys Dukes of Hazzard General Lee Car for $110,000 (Picture)

What do you do when you’ve won nearly $13 million on the PGA Tour? You buy a badass car used in a TV show, that’s what you do.

Golfer Bubba Watson fulfilled a dream buy purchasing the original General Lee car used in the Dukes of Hazzard TV show. Watson won the car at an auction Saturday with a $110,000 bid. The car was used in the very first episode of the show to jump over a police cruiser.

The best part about the purchase is this is something Watson promised he’d do last year.

“I’m definitely going to get me a Dukes of Hazzard car, a replica that I’m definitely going to get if I win a golf tournament, because my wife said I can do that if I win,” he said at the time. “So if I win, I’m getting a Dukes of Hazzard General Lee.”

You heard it here right now: the day LBS hits seven figures, I’m buying the ****ing Batmobile.

H/T Devil Ball Golf