A number of rowdy sports fans can be interesting character studies, that is, if you choose to spend more than three-and-a-half seconds on such a venture. I’m not sure about you, but my time is currently being invested in watching paint dry. Like a Marilyn Monroe movie, some of these individuals like it hot. Others though, prefer to have their Molotov cocktails on the rocks. Regardless, there is a particular segment of the sports-watching population that feels elation or anger over the results of a championship game is a dish best served with a blunt object thrown through the window of a storefront.
The latest band of louts choked the city of Vancouver into requiring the Heimlich maneuver, following the Canucks’ Game 7 loss in the Stanley Cup Finals to the Boston Bruins. In so doing, the city saw its behind suffer a de facto paddling which ensured its place in the world fraternity of cities for which the only requirement of membership is a large band of ne’er-do-wells hell-bent on using sports as an excuse to rid the local Sears of its supply of vacuum cleaners, weed whackers, and inexpensive electronics equipment.
This is not exactly a very new tradition. Europe’s band of soccer hooligans has been stirring up mayhem for years. Though the rules of soccer confine the game largely to feet, it hasn’t stopped the sport’s Guinness-fueled patrons from using hands, flares, and tire-irons to accomplish their goal. Presumably, bearing witness to a 90-minute scoreless tie drives people to do less than law-abiding things. However, if spending an hour-and-a-half of your life watching something where no one scores was the requisite for a riot, then there would be a wealth of pillaging at any of the locations I’ve ever been to while scouring for single women.