Uniforms are one of the more interesting aspects of sports. It doesn’t matter what sport it is, we always like to see what teams are wearing. You may have noticed a trend recently where teams began wearing throwback jerseys as a nod to the outfits the franchise wore at some point during their history. Some of these uniforms are pretty sweet, but others are about the worst ever.
Who could forget a few years ago when we saw the absolutely awful uniforms that the Broncos wore for their throwback game? It’s still burned into my memory how ugly those were. Usually I don’t have a problem with teams wearing these because most of them are pretty cool. In fact, the Chicago Blackhawks have added a throwback jersey that they wore during 2009’s Winter Classic to their rotation now. But seeing some of these uniforms reminds me that some of these jerseys are more throwup jerseys than throwbacks.
So, I kindly ask that the following teams officially say adios to their throwback jersey so we no longer have to avert our eyes every time we see them.
San Diego Padres – This disgusting jersey makes me shudder each time I see it. When this style came out in 1978 it was said that the players looked like “tacos” and I couldn’t agree more. (Well maybe more like the after effect of eating too many tacos if you catch my drift.) Brown and golden yellow is never a good color combo but for some reason someone in San Diego thought it was. I’d say these tacos are burnt amigo, time to throw them out.
Cleveland Indians – Although this may be a classic for Cleveland fans, it’s tragic to me. The color of the jersey makes them look filthy. These jerseys first saw the light of day around 1951. I understand that at that time their technology of making awesome jerseys wasn’t quite developed just yet, but these look like a second grader just learning cursive wrote the name on the front of the jersey. I say we lock this jersey up and throw away the key.
Pittsburgh Pirates – These ugly things only had a lifespan of two years from 1977-1979. I think even the Pirates themselves even realized these uniforms were fugly and didn’t quite want that on their bodies. I wouldn’t either. They look albino bumblebees whose stripes got flipped the wrong way. Plus, look at those freaking hats. They look like funny chef’s hats. Let’s toss these throwbacks out so they can no longer bug us.
Denver Broncos – I know I’m not the only one who can’t stand these things. These disgusting uniforms made their debut in 1960 supposedly because the team got them for a good price. I can see why. Again, we have tacos colored uniforms and I stick by what I said about the Padres uniforms. I say we flush these bad boys down the toilet so they can finally return to the sewer where they belong. Here’s more on these hideous jerseys worn by the Broncos. Ugh, those stirrups too!
Philadelphia Eagles – These frightful uniforms were worn in honor of the 75th anniversary of the franchise. Yes, these “beauties” were worn way back in 1933, and in my opinion it should stay that way. Gold and baby blue? Really? I don’t know what everyone’s obsession was with the mustard color but it doesn’t look good by itself let alone combined with another color. Let’s throw these ugly things out the window and hope they never soar back into sight again.
Seattle Seahawks – OK so we don’t have to actually go back decades to remember these 
eyesores because they were debuted a few years ago and thankfully they were retired immediately. People couldn’t believe that the Seahawks were actually going to wear these obnoxious jerseys and many believed it was an April Fools joke, but oh no, it was for real. I would like to slap whomever designed the bright green and navy uniforms. What were you trying to do? Blind the opposition? Good plan but I think you blinded the rest of us in the process. Thankfully, the Seahawks lost in these jerseys and that’s why we won’t have to see them again. But just in case, let’s toss them into the ocean just in case someone gets the bright idea to bring them back.
Atlanta Hawks – These unattractive uniforms debuted in the 80s so it’s no wonder they are ugly. I can’t stress enough how this goldish color that everyone seems to love doesn’t quite go with anything, but teams continue to use it and the Hawks were no exception in this case. These things look more like cheer leading shells than basketball jerseys and for that I can’t take them serious. These jerseys should be torn to shreds and never seen again.
Phoenix Suns – Again, these jerseys aren’t too far out of recent memory. Debuting in 1993, these cheesy unis were finally retired in 2000. I do like the Suns color combination so that’s not my problem; the problem I have with these jerseys is that they look like a cartoon version of a real basketball jersey. The obnoxious basketball that is supposed to resemble a sun? C’mon now. These are professional players, they deserve to wear something a little less juvenile. Let’s pack up these jerseys and burn every last one of them.
Portland Trailblazers – These terrible throwbacks come to us from 1980, where most terrible things come from. I think I hate these for the same reason that I hate the Hawks throwbacks — they look like cheerleader uniforms. Again, the colors aren’t bad — you can’t really go wrong with black, red and white — but they just looks so stupid. I think what annoys me most about these jerseys is the font that “blazers” is written in. Is that supposed to be a threatening font? I think it’s time for these throwbacks to be hitting the dusty trail … and never come back.
New York Rangers – The Rangers wore these wretched uniforms in the late 70s and I wish they would have just been forgotten. The colors are fine but the overall layout of this jersey sucks. I can’t describe why exactly I dislike this jersey so much; it’s just plain ugly. Someone should bring these jerseys out to the forest and put them down for good so we never have to look at them again.
Vancouver Canucks – It appears that almost every Canucks throwback jersey is absolutely hideous, but this one from the early 80s era is the worst one of all. What the heck were they thinking? It almost looks like a tribal gown and it definitely doesn’t look like a jersey. If you never saw the side patches on this thing you would think that whoever is wearing this just has horrible fashion sense. To describe all the ways I hate this jersey would take a blog of it’s very own. Just burn it — no clever way to do so — just burn it.
Buffalo Sabres – For some unknown reason, the variation of this late 70s-early 80s logo has been brought back by the team. I don’t know what I hate more about these jerseys: the uncreative logo or the use of that stupid gold color once again (I told you teams love it). This throwback is boring, bland and tacky. I just want to take a sword to it and destroy it once and for all.
May all these ugly jerseys rest in peace, and by that I mean be burned and never seen again.
Sources:
San Diego Padres: Uniforms Through the Years [Sign On San Diego.com]
Pirates Uniforms and Logos [Pirates.com]
ESC’s Denver Broncos Uniform History [Endzone Sports]
Eagles Unveil 75th Anniversary Plans [Philadelphia Eagles.com]
Seattle Seahawks Uniform History [M Yantz]
Going Retro: Atlanta Hawks [NBA.com]
Phoenix Suns Uniform History [Fanster]
Portland Trailblazers Uniforms [Sports Logos.net]
Canucks History [Canucks.com]
