Jose Canseco wants you to write him in on the all-star ballot

A delusional former baseball player is campaigning on Twitter to be written in on the ballot for this year’s MLB All-Star Game. Of course it’s Jose Canseco! Who else would it be? This was the kind of comedy we thought we lost when his account was briefly shut down last week.

But here was Canseco in true form on Wednesday night, asking all of us to “do” history:

Of course, this is Jose Canseco we’re talking about, so it didn’t stop there. As always, what started as one tweet turned into a rambling, weird soliloquy:

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Jose Canseco’s Twitter account briefly disappeared, has risen from the dead

Fans of crazy people who have Twitter accounts were left in disbelief and a state of mourning Tuesday when it became apparent that the high comedy that is Jose Canseco‘s Twitter feed mysteriously no longer existed.

But worry not, folks. After approximately three hours off the grid — a time during which the Internet felt so empty — Canseco’s account was back up and running, offering cyber hugs and producing nonsense in no time. Upon his triumphant return, the former Bash Brother and now possible zombie greeted us with tweets that only the mind of Canseco can come up with:

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Worcester Tornadoes say signing Jose Canseco is not a gimmick

The Worcester Tornadoes of the Can-Am League decided to sign Jose Canseco last week, but they say the move is not a gimmick. No joke.

“I don’t really think it’s appropriate to have a gimmick, so we talked for a couple of weeks and I wanted to make sure he was committed and in shape and was serious about playing baseball,” owner Todd Breighner said of the signing. “I wanted to feel that we wouldn’t have a situation (where he leaves a team abruptly). There are no guarantees, but I do have a reasonable comfort level that he wants to be here.”

The Tornadoes say they actually got the idea to sign Canseco after hearing on a radio program that the former slugger was looking for a new place to play following his departure from the Mexican League. Canseco had tweeted how much he loved his time in Boston, the Tornadoes heard that, so they initiated contact with the crazy man.

Best part of all? The Can-Am League doesn’t have a drug testing policy, so Canseco can take all the testosterone he needs.

Breighner also termed this a great opportunity for the team. Apparently he missed the way the last thousand opportunities for Canseco ended.

Jose Canseco signs with independent league team, wants tryout with Red Sox

Friday was a big day for Jose Canseco. Not only did he make it back to Boston for the Red Sox’s 100-year anniversary of Fenway Park celebration, but he also signed a deal with an independent league team.

The Worcester Tornadoes of the Can-Am League — the same league where the Newark Bears play — announced they signed Canseco to play first and DH.

“I am very much looking forward to putting on a uniform and competing on a professional level again this year; I love the game of baseball,” Canseco said. “I am particularly grateful to the Worcester Tornadoes for embracing me and having the confidence in me to help the team win.”

The team’s season starts in a month, so that gives Canseco plenty of time to get himself in trouble. If you ask Jose, his stint with the Tornadoes is just a stepping stone to getting back to the majors. The guy spent part of his day at Fenway on Friday campaigning for a tryout with the Sox:

I guess he’s moved onto the Red Sox now that the A’s and Dodgers ignored his overtures.

Jose Canseco thinks global warming could have prevented Titanic from sinking

We all follow Jose Canseco on Twitter to see what kind of crazy he’ll spew next. When it comes to freak shows, you really can’t top a quality tweet from the former Bash Brother. But even for Canseco, the crap he tweeted late Saturday night can’t be topped.

Sunday April 15 marked the 100 year anniversary of the Titanic sinking. Canseco commemorated the tragedy in a way only he can.

After taking a beating on Twitter from people telling him how crazy he was, Canseco explained his thinking (yes, I know, scary thought):

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Jose Canseco offers to play for Magic Johnson, Dodgers for free

Now that Magic Johnson’s group has won the Dodgers bidding, it is time to get down to business. Frank McCourt has left Dodgers fans depressed and dejected. Each and every one of them is hopeful that Magic and company can rescue a franchise that was once one of the best in baseball. Once the business aspect of the deal is worked out, assembling a winning team for years to come will be the top priority. The good news for the new ownership group is that Jose Canseco is willing to give them a great jump on things — and it won’t cost them a dime.

How can you say no to that? There isn’t a team in the league that couldn’t use a 47-year-old former (current?) juice head to provide some pop off the bench and maybe even play the field. I fully expect to see Canseco in a Dodgers uniform by 2013, and maybe even before. What a break for L.A.

All joking aside, the sad part about this is Jose isn’t joking. There’s a little part of him that thinks the Dodgers might take him up on his offer. That’s the real shame here.

Photo credit: Jayne Kamin-Oncea-US PRESSWIRE

Jose Canseco wants to fight Warren Sapp

Jose Canseco, last seen being dropped from the Mexican League over a testosterone issue, is targeting ex-NFL player Warren Sapp for his next celebrity fight.

Canseco apparently heard about the whole Jeremy Shockey-Warren Sapp spat and gave Shockey one of his infamous Twitter hugs late Saturday night. He then followed that by asking on Twitter “Does Warren Sapp MMA?”

Sapp responded on Sunday, leading to a proposal from Canseco:

So Canseco is now eyeing Sapp as a tuneup for his proposed fight with Shaq. I’d offer some commentary, but let’s be fair here, who doesn’t Jose Canseco want to fight as long as it means decent money and extra publicity?