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Miami Marlins girl twerks it against bullpen as Stephen Strasburg warms up

Marlins dancer Stephen Strasburg

The Miami Marlins may have the best distraction tactics in all of baseball. Prior to Friday’s game against the Washington Nationals, one of the Clevelander bartender girls decided to thrust her body against the bullpen wall and twerk it as Stephen Strasburg was warming up.

After seeing that picture, do you think it’s a coincidence that Strasburg allowed seven runs in two innings, marking his worst career start? I think not.

Based on this website, it looks like the Clevelander girls only get $4.77/hour (is that even legal?). This chick definitely deserves a raise.

And the best part about that photo was the little dude snapping a cell phone pic from point-blank range. That takes some balls.

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Photo: GyngaSnap

Ozzie Guillen is tired of his players complaining about the size of Marlins Park

So many things have gone wrong for the Marlins this season that they might as well start blaming the ballpark. At least that’s how some of the players feel about it. The newly-constructed Marlins Park is considered a pitchers ballpark. It measures 344 feet to left, 334 feet to right and has spots that are 386, 418 and 392 between left and right. That is pretty big, but Ozzie Guillen is tired of hearing it used as an excuse.

“We’ve got to deal with the ballpark, and we’re going to be negative coming in here every day, ‘Oh, this ballpark is too big’?” Guillen said Tuesday according to the Palm Beach Post. “We’ve got to play in this ballpark 81 games and I don’t want to hear any more (from) my players, my hitting coach, nobody with this uniform worry about this place (being) too big. If they think this place is too big, let me know. I’ll put somebody else in who can hit bloopers behind shortstop.”

After hitting a 418-foot fly out that could have won the game for the Marlins on Sunday but instead became the final out, John Buck described the fact that the ball didn’t leave the park as “frustrating” and “disheartening.” Teams have been known to move fences in during the offseason to create more homers, but Guillen said that’s not going to happen in Miami.

“‘I can’t hit home runs here.’ Ha, ha,” Guillen said mocking his players. “We are not going to move the fence. That’s it.”

As Craig Calcaterra of Hardball Talk alluded to, Ozzie may be surprised. He’s probably getting sick of hearing people blame players that have been traded and now the ballpark dimensions for Miami’s disappointing season, but don’t be surprised if the Marlins move some fences in this winter. Long balls sell tickets, and we all know how much trouble they have doing that.

Photo credit: Robert Mayer-US PRESSWIRE

Marlins Park’s crazy home-run sculpture finally comes alive this season (Video)

Marlins second baseman Omar Infante continued his hot start to the season with a solo shot in the bottom of the second inning in Miami’s 5-4 victory over the Astros on Sunday. More importantly, the homer finally brought to life that brightly colored, monstrous, acid-trip-inspired thing in left center field of Marlins Park. This was the fourth game played in the new stadium since the season started, but Infante’s blast was the first Marlins home run. 

The animated “sculpture” has obviously been the most discussed aspect of the club’s new home. But with the place getting the reputation of being a pitchers’ park, perhaps we won’t get to see the thing in action very often — a good thing, depending on how you feel. All I know is not to look directly in the middle or you’ll turn to stone.

Jeffrey Loria commissioned a gorgeous replica Marlins Park cake for the team’s opener and it featured over 3600 crystals

Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria commissioned a replica Marlins Park cake to celebrate the opening of the stadium on Wednesday. According to the Miami New Times, Loria wanted a cake that could feed 800 people. The fine folks at Divine Delicacies, which also created LeBron James’ birthday cake, were able to come through with this gorgeous masterpiece that also contained a retractable roof. Don’t ask me how they do it.

The Miami New Times has a few more details on the cake:

Divine Delicacies was notified in advance that it would be presented in Loria’s suite for his 50 VIP guests. It was made with red velvet, guava cream cheese, vanilla rum, and marble chocolate batters. And if four different flavors in one cake weren’t extravagant enough, the cake’s ballpark top even had a retractable ceiling.

Here are a few more pictures of the outstanding cake:

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Carlos Zambrano hopes fish tanks at Marlins Park will relieve his stress

Carlos Zambrano must have spent the offseason with Phil Jackson, because dude is sounding like a Zen master. Big Z, who was acquired by the Marlins in January, says his favorite part about the new Marlins Ballpark is the aquariums behind home plate because of their calming presence.

“I don’t know how many people have fish tanks in their house but psychologists say it can make you relax and keep you out of stress,” he said before Wednesday’s season opener.

“That’s a unique thing I see at this ballpark.”

Given the way Zambrano seems to love his fish, he probably wasn’t too happy when the Marlins tested the durability of the tanks by having Gaby Sanchez throw balls at them.

Photo Credit: Steve Mitchell-US PRESSWIRE

Marlins had Gaby Sanchez throw baseballs at new aquarium to test its durability

Those of you who have had a chance to view pictures or video of the Marlins new amusement park stadium know that there is a lot going on there. Most notably, the Miami ballpark features an obnoxious structure in center field that will whirl and twirl when someone from the home team hits a homer. The park also boasts 40 feet of aquariums where a backstop should be. As expected, the fish-filled aquariums are raising concerns for the Animal Rights foundation. The way the Marlins are testing the durability of the tank glass probably won’t put their minds at ease.

According to the New Times Broward-Palm Beach, the Marlins say they tested the glass on the tank by having first baseman Gaby Sanchez fire baseballs at it. He was reportedly clocked at 84 mph. While Mat Roy of Living Color Aquariums — the company that designed the structure — insists the tank is insulated from stadium vibration and protected from heat, Don Anthony of the Animal Rights Foundation of Florida does not sound amused.

“I can tell you even if the glass doesn’t shatter, it’s going to cause a tremendous vibration and disturb and upset the fish,” Anthony explained. “No matter how many shock absorbers they build into the system, if there are thousands of fans screaming and jumping during a sporting event it’s going to affect the fish in there.”

Anthony said he wouldn’t classify it as “high end animal abuse” but that it is a place fish don’t belong. Marlins Executive VP for Ballpark Development Claude Delorme insists the fish were the first concern and said they didn’t seem all that bothered when the team set up a pitching machine to pepper the glass with balls.

“You would see a small reaction — they would move because they would sense something in that area,” he said, adding the fish moved slightly but returned to their prior position immediately after.

Whatever helps you sleep at night.

Fist pound to Deadspin for the story

Marlins players already complaining about home run sculpture in outfield

The carnival ride you see in the photo above is not a carnival ride. It’s a home run sculpture. In an attempt to start a new tradition with their team relocating and a new stadium being unveiled, the Marlins have built this Las Vegas hotel-looking fun machine that will do all kinds of weird things when a player from the home team cracks a homer. Maybe it will be fun to trot around the bases and look up at the fish going around and around. Who knows? What we do know is that some of the Marlins’ left-handed hitters are concerned that it may be a distraction while they’re at the plate.

“If it is an issue, it can no longer be there,” infielder Greg Dobbs said of the sculpture — which is located in left-center field — according to the Miami Herald. “I won’t be the only left-handed hitter saying something. If other teams have a problem with it, they’re definitely going to voice their concern to the league.”

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