The Colorado Rockies have the unenviable task of going up against Dodgers ace Clayton Kershaw on Monday night, and manager Walt Weiss isn’t quite sure how to go about it. Usually, managers opt to field lineups heavy with right-handed bats to counter a southpaw on the hill. But trying to apply conventional wisdom to a date with Kershaw, the finest southpaw in the land, is about as futile an enterprise as Plankton trying to steal the Krabby Patty Secret Formula.
In a story by Nick Groke of the Denver Post on Sunday, Weiss mentioned that he might turn to some unorthodox methods in an attempt to solve the Clayton Cryptogram on Monday.
“A right-handed lineup against lefties hasn’t really worked,” Weiss said. “I may pick it out of a hat.”
Well, seeing as Kershaw has posted a 13-6 record this year with a 2.15 ERA, a 2.08 FIP, and a career-high 259 strikeouts despite a relatively slow first half of the season, it makes sense that opposing managers might start throwing strategy to the wind in favor of relying on plain old dumb luck.
FADE IN:
(We see Rockies manager Walt Weiss sitting in the dimly-lit Colorado clubhouse holding a hat full of names)
Weiss: “Well it looks like the guy who will be batting leadoff against Kershaw tonight is..”
(Reaches into hat and pulls out first name)
Weiss: “…Troy Tulowitzki?!? Dammit.”
SCENE.
*Stats courtesy of Baseball Reference*
