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Monday, June 18, 2018

Is that Lifetime or the NFL Network?

Lifetime is known as television for women. Their programming is filled with shows such as Designing Women, Golden Girls, Gay, Straight, or Taken?, How Clean Is Your House?, and Cheerleader Nation.

NFL Network is the home for football 24/7, also known as television for men. Their programming is filled with shows such as NFL Total Access, NFL Gameday, NFL Replay, NFL Draft, and NFL Scoreboard. Notice a theme?

That’s why it was so hard for me to figure out exactly what the NFL Network was trying to accomplish with their coverage of the combine this weekend. Exactly who was their was target audience?

One after another, players came out sorted by position, wearing nothing but boxers, and they proceeded to get felt-up like male strippers at a bachelorette party full of horny divorcees.

They entered the room, knees shaking, millions of dollars hanging on the measurement of every quarter inch. Kevin Kolb, followed by Troy Smith, followed by Trent Edwards, followed by JaMarcus Russell…all half-naked, all getting their height measured right down to the quarter-hundreth of a centimeter, wingspan taken, and sperm count measured. OK, maybe no sperm count, but nearly everything else was considered.

I’m sorry, I may be interested in a quarterback’s vital stats and completion percentage, but I don’t need to be in the doctor’s office when you’re measuring the dude’s johnson — comprende?

A little advice to NFL Network: let me know when you’ll be airing fully-clothed sessions of these players running passing drills and then I’ll tune in. Until that point, count me out.

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