I’ve commented before on the genius of Tiger’s P.R. people back when they sent out a Tiger double to Hattiesburg to try and make the members of the paparazzi doubt themselves. While some people took the bait and said that wasn’t Tiger in rehab, the truth of the impostor was later revealed. Based on what happened Thursday, I strongly believe that Tiger’s team is employing yet another P.R. strategy.

First, the New York Post cited “two sources in the golf community” who say Tiger has hired P.R. strategist Ari Fleischer in preparation for a return to golf at Bay Hill in two weeks. One source said they would be shocked if Tiger didn’t play at Bay Hill. After the media ruminated that story as its lead subject for 12-18 hours, a new headline emerged and it said Tiger’s wouldn’t return to golf until at least The Masters. This was an AP report citing “two people with knowledge of [Tiger's] plans.”

My guess is the sources were Tiger’s agent or new mouthpiece — Fleischer. After all, if Tiger’s real plan is to play Bay Hill, wouldn’t it be wise to make people think he’s not playing there so they’re unprepared? A surprise, unplanned appearance could catch the paparazzi and media minions off guard thus making Tiger’s life less hectic the next few weeks. Also, getting people caught up in the guessing game of when Tiger will return covers up the real question they don’t want pondered: does this prompt of a return make Tiger’s apology more disingenuous? To those who actually bought into Tiger’s apology and the idea that he really needs to straighten out his family life before returning to golf (and that he might take the entire year off), the answer would be “yes.” That’s not something they want discussed and they’ve done a great job creating a diversion for the time being. In other words, mission accomplished.

Sources:
Woods hires Fleischer to help with image [NY Post]
AP sources: Woods likely to return at Masters [Golf.com]

Here I was thinking that Tiger Woods was the biggest story in the entire world. ESPN, ABC, NBC, FOX, and CNN told me so. The Dalai Lama said otherwise. The Buddhist spiritual leader was chilling in Beverly Hills over the weekend getting prepared to make a speech in support of Whole Child International when he was asked about Tiger Woods. The best part is he’s probably the first person I know of who wasn’t aware of Woods’ existence so he had to be briefed on the situation. The worst part is he slammed Tiger for not following his Buddhist faith:

[Dalai Lama said] when it comes to adultery, “all religions have the same idea.”

“Whether you call it Buddhism or another religion, self-discipline, that’s important,” he said. “Self-discipline with awareness of consequences.”

Tiger may have been the first public figure in America to invoke Buddhism when lamenting that he strayed from his faith. With that inclusion, he checked almost every aspect of the ideal public apology in the handbook: blame yourself, say you’ve found religion, remind everyone you’re human, conclude that you need help. It really is that simple. As a bonus, Tiger will also receive total consciousness on his deathbed. That has to be reassuring.

By now we’ve all deconstructed the Tiger Woods apology statement as if it were the Zapruder film (back and to the left!). Many people feel Tiger came across sincerely while others feel his statement was too contrived. I’m one who feels Tiger’s statement was too prepared and too scripted to be completely satisfied by the apology. If I were grading the statement for how it was written and the themes the P.R. staff preached, I would give it an “A,” but I wish it were Tiger speaking more sincerely. I’m in the minority because most people bought the sincerity of the apology and forgave Woods. Accordingly, they bought into one of the biggest messages Tiger’s people wanted to communicate: Tiger’s human.

Throughout his life, Tiger’s been portrayed as a deity, an inhuman prodigy placed here on Earth to make golf look easy. He was the spokesman of several companies and pushed as a role model whom we should aspire to be like. Books were written about him and commercials were made with him, all telling us that he was better than us and that he was the model person. Now, Tiger’s P.R. team is making its best effort to tear all that down in an effort to sell us the concept that Tiger is human, flawed, and needs help like the rest of us.

One of Tiger’s greatest messages was that he needed help. He said he would continue to receive therapy and treatment. He convinced us life was more about what you overcome, not how many majors you win on the golf course. He tried to sell us on a message that he has problems just like all of us and that he wants to be a symbol of overcoming issues. I still am wondering about the issues he talked. What’s he overcoming? What therapy? What help? The only help Tiger needs is deciding what tournament to play next. This guy needs to get out of that b.s. sex rehab he’s in and focus on his golf game.

While many people have bought into Tiger’s message and problems, I haven’t. Tiger’s convincing the world that he’s rehabbing himself for problems I’m still unsure of. Sexual rehabilitation my butt. This is image rehab and image therapy and nothing more. I just hope Tiger gets his crap together and gets back out on the course so we can forget about this nonsense sooner than later. What a waste it would be for him to miss the rest of the season; he has so much more to accomplish in his career.

It should come as no surprise that many people have taken the bait fed by Tiger Woods and his P.R. team. After all, how does the saying go, “What the American public doesn’t know is what makes them the American public.” Would you feel that Tiger’s apology were sincere if you knew all the preparation and careful planning that went into orchestrating his statement? Does it not matter? Apparently not considering that over two-thirds of SportsCenter viewers said they felt his statement was sincere. Heck, as Jimmy Traina’s Hot Clicks showed even Golf Channel analyst Charlie Rymer wound up crying because he was so moved by Tiger’s apology. No joke. Check this out:

For his mom to watch that was painful? I’m guessing hearing that Tiger was banging tons of chicks on the road while Elin was home pregnant probably was painful for Tiger’s mom to hear, not the statement. We should be more incredulous that Tiger’s mom was placed in the front row as a pawn in this production and that Tiger was instructed to go hug her immediately after finishing the speech. We should be more incredulous that Tiger left the podium promptly leaving his mother to field questions instead of him. I don’t even understand how someone on TV can just buy into everything the P.R. people were trying to do. I really don’t.

Not long after I pondered the question why a photo of Tiger Woods would sell for half a million dollars, one popped up courtesy of the National Enquirer. Although it’s low quality and grainy, the photo certainly appears to feature Tiger holding a cup of coffee or tea. Tiger’s heavily stacked P.R. staff flipped out following the release of the photo that was nicknamed “Bigfoot” because it was not the first image of Tiger they wanted the world to see. Tiger’s handlers supposedly wanted to carefully rebuild his image by releasing a happy photo of him with his family. Bigfoot was the last thing they wanted. So what did they do about it? They planted a Tiger look-a-like in front of the paparazzi in Hattiesburg to try and create some doubt:

I really have to give Tiger’s P.R. people tons of credit for coming up with this idea. They know how dumb Americans can be and they know the gullible folks will buy the story that it was really just a guy who looks like Tiger that happens to be at a sex rehab clinic in Hattiesburg. I can’t believe how smart they are and how dumb people are if they buy the story. I guess this is exactly for what Tiger pays the big bucks.

A major surprise developed in the Tiger Woods affair saga on Thursday when his first noted mistress, Rachel Uchitel, decided not to hold a press conference to divulge information about their relationship. I honestly thought she had held the conference to begin with because she wanted to capitalize on her fame. Now it appears as if the conference was canceled for the exact opposite reason — she wants to disappear. We’ll let the almighty TMZ take it away:

Sources say … Rachel decided not to come out fighting at a news conference. She walked away without taking a cent from Tiger Woods. One very connected source said, “This was absolutely not about money.”

Sources say Rachel became “scared for her safety” because she knows so much about Tiger, his alleged affairs and a variety of other Woods matters. We’re told Tiger confided in Rachel … she knows specifics about “other women,” as well as information about Tiger’s marriage.

Considering her reputation as a “partygirl” which to me is a euphemism for upscale hooker, I guess it makes sense that she’s not releasing private information about Tiger the way Jamie Grubbs did. Given the reports that Uchitel’s hooked up with both A-Rod and Jeter, she could severely limit her future earning power by hanging Tiger out to dry. Also, because Tiger already apologized for his “transgressions” on Wednesday, Uchitel would not have been blowing the lid off anything new so there really wasn’t much of a point to her confirming what Tiger’s already confirmed. For Uchitel, the best strategy is to disappear for a while and hope her “partygirl” business picks up before long. Secrecy and discretion is a premium in her line of work.