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Sunday, October 21, 2018

The wildest Charles Haley penis and masturbation stories

Charles Haley

Charles Haley is the only player in NFL history to win five Super Bowls. He was a tremendous player, and he was inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame Saturday because of that fact. But the lesser-known aspects about him have to do with his penis, masturbation habits and other disturbing behavior from his playing days.

Jeff Pearlman’s excellent book about the 1990s Dallas Cowboys “Boys Will Be Boys” is flush with stories about just how nutty Charles Haley was.

Here’s an excerpt:

The reputation started with the penis—a fire hose of an organ that brought Haley more pride than any game-winning tackle. As he grew comfortable in the 49ers locker room, Haley would stroll up to an unsuspecting teammate, whip out his phallus, and repeatedly stroke it in his face. Players initially laughed it off. But Haley refused to stop.

He would jerk off in the locker room, in the trainer’s room. He’d wrap his hand around his penis, turn toward a Joe Montana or John Taylor, and bellow, “You know you wanna suck this!” or “You only wish you had this, baby!”

“Charles used to beat off in meetings while talking graphically about players’ wives,” says Michael Silver, who covered the 49ers for the Santa Rosa Press Democrat. “It got to the point of ejaculation.”

Haley was socially awkward and unflinchingly vicious. He’d been prescribed medication to treat manic depression, but would take the pills one day, then skip them the next two or three. Haley once exposed himself to reporter Ann Killion of the San Jose Mercury News, a pathetic attempt at gender intimidation.

He rarely passed up the opportunity to verbally pounce on a teammate’s shortcoming—an ugly child, a protruding mole, a lisp.

“Charles was a great player,” says Dexter Carter, the former 49er running back. “But there’s only so much a man can tolerate.” Once he got going, the words flew from Haley’s mouth as if they were shot from a Browning .50-caliber machine gun. Anyone effeminate was a “faggot.” African-American players who became close with the coaching staff were “house niggers” and “Uncle Toms.” Whites were “honkies” and Hispanics “spics.” (A joke Haley told with particular brio: What do a Mexican and a hotel have in common? A mop.) Twice, his racial barbs resulted in fights with 49er teammate Jim Burt, a white defensive lineman who decked Haley both times.

It doesn’t just end there. There are more tales about the disgusting Haley!

Via the NY Post:

From Page 115: “On his first day at Valley Ranch, Haley arrived in the conference room for a defensive film session dressed only in a towel. ‘The next thing you know, Charles is lying naked on the floor in front of the screen, entertaining himself,’ said teammate Tony Casillas.”

Haley “quickly earned high praise as one of the league’s dominant quarterback killers. And as one of its most imbalanced.”

Once Haley wrapped an Ace bandage around it and strolled through the locker room, screaming, “I’m the last naked warrior!”

What’s that? You say you want more? Here are two more tales about “the last naked warrior.” These ones are via Uproxx:

Once in a team meeting, Haley came back from the bathroom, pulled down his shorts, wiped his ass, and threw his poopy toilet paper at 49ers linebacker coach John Marshall.

-During another team meeting, Haley whispered to teammate Scott Case, “Scott, turn around, I gotta show you something… Scott, dammit, turn around! You need to see this!” When Case turned around, according to Pearlman, he “saw Haley’s erect penis stretched across the desk.”

Absolutely disgusting. I have to wonder how much he would have been able to get away with in this day and age.

That was also one hell of a book. If you’ve never read it, you should definitely check it out. And Haley was a class ahole and total jerk.


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