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Saturday, May 26, 2018

Gloss Guide

  • Barbaroed – Effecient way of describing something as being beaten like a dead horse (named for, well, you know)
  • Chris Webber Effect – When a player returns from an injury to ruin a team’s chemistry and success named after Chris Webber who returned from knee surgery in the 03-04 season and turned the Kings into a .500 club (they had the best record in the league before his return)
  • Comb-Over Rule – When debating a pick, never go for a team led by a player or coach rocking the old-school comb-over. Nothing speaks conservative tight ass quite like the comb over. Do you want your pick resting in the hands of someone who’s too fearful of changing up their hair-style?
  • Darwin Nominee – An idiotic act committed by an individual who would best serve the species by not reproducing named after Charles Darwin the father of evolution who described the process of natural selection
  • Dr. Hoops – Someone who takes a casual game or situation way too seriously and embarrasses himself and anyone associated with him. Can be used as both noun (e.g. you’re such a dr. hoops when we play) or verb (e.g. he Dr. Hooped that entire intramural game). Named after Dr. Hoops from the Starter commercial.
  • Floss Game – When the spread is so one-sided in your eyes that you wonder what it is that you’re missing about it. e.g. you have something stuck in your teeth, everyone’s laughing at you, you’re wondering why they’re laughing, and it’s because you need some floss to get it out
  • Naming Rule – There are only 3 ways to have something named after you: 1) You do something very notable and become famous for it. 2) You do something very notable and become notorious for it. 3) You pay someone a lot of money. Inspired by the Shawne Merriman Rule
  • NHL’d – When you get rejected by a supposed sure-thing e.g. your backup date for the prom says no. Named for the NHL store which rejected advertisement on larrybrownsports.com
  • Patriots Rule – you keep picking a team until they lose because they’ve already proved you wrong so many times in the past
  • Scale Game – like stepping on a scale for the first time in years, it’s not going to be pretty
  • Siren Game – When a player performs at a level that makes a siren go off to alert you that this guy is the real deal, thus affirming the existence of the hype e.g. Kevin Durant
  • Sportadox – The premise that there is no true way to form an accurate conclusion about a team or player because in competition there are opposing forces that result in one team or player being bad, and the other good (see What is a Sportadox? for more detail)
  • Sweetheart – nickname for Alex Rodriguez who used that term to address a female fan at his book signing
  • WB4 Factor – aka Week Before Factor used to describe a situation when the picks you make for that current week are based on being burned the previous week(s)