Larry Brown Sports

What you just heard (if you turned your volume way up) is a snippet of Texas Rangers announcer Dave Barnett having what can only be described as an out-of-body, hallucinating experience.

“A 2-1 game, the tying run on second — a lead-off single by Chase Headley. Go-ahead run is at (pause) fifth on what Adams is insisting on calling it a botched robbery. What actually happened was his henchman (pause) took piece literally out of my, his–.”

Go ahead run is at 5th base? Maybe Dave Barnett is just thinking of Josh Hamilton during his party days when he became the first person in human history to make it to the coveted 5th base. One can only assume that getting to 5th base involves at least 20 women, a couple of dwarfs, and a Unicorn. Not too sure where the botched robbery that Adams’ is insisting on calling it would be. One of the dwarfs trying to steal Hamilton’s pants but gets kicked by the Unicorn and bursts into a thousand gold coins? Seems legit enough.

Legitimately the only explanation I could think of for Barnett’s ramble.

UPDATE: Barnett will miss at least two games to undergo evaluation after that episode. He believes it may have to do with migraines.

H/T Deadspin

Two tornado warnings were issued in the Dallas metro area Tuesday with the additional warning that “dangerous tornadoes” were still possible. The Rangers may have had plans to get some work in at the ballpark, but that all changed with the weather. One tornado touched down and caused damage in the city. In case you’re unsure how bad things are, Rangers catcher Mike Napoli took this video showing the powerful winds the city of Arlington endured. The tarp on the field really starts whipping around after about a minute. The Rangers have had fun during weather delays in the past, but this is completely different. We hope everyone in the area is able to stay safe.

Apparently creating massive food dishes is the thing to do this season across the baseball world. I know eating and ballgames go hand-in-hand, but for some reason it seems as though Man v. Food is inspiring minor league and Major League clubs all across the nation. The Rangers have made the latest contribution in the form of a two-foot hot dog that is priced at a reasonable $26. Check out this picture of the double foot-long that Darren Rovell shared with us:

According to Rovell’s tweet, the Rangers say the hot dog is meant for sharing. How on Earth does that justify charging $26 for it? From my experiences at Fenway Park — which is one of the most costly sports venues in the country — a hot dog typically costs somewhere between $4 and $6. So say a classic Fenway Frank is $5. I’m no math genius, but I believe if four Fenway Franks equal the length of this hot dog you’re still looking at only $2o. Instead of sharing a $26 hot dog (which nobody is going to do anyway) why not get two of your own? Personally, I’d rather spend my money on the Strasburger or the Moby Dick sandwich.

With the baseball season so close you can already smell the sausages, a plan to attempt one of the lamest Guinness World Records in history has been announced. According to the Dallas Morning News, the Rangers are hoping to have thousands of fans gather next week and spell out the team’s name using glow sticks. Why? Just because.

The Arlington Convention and Visitors Bureau and the city of Arlington are looking for 4,200 Rangers fans to show up at parking lot B at 6 p.m. next Friday to hold a blue glow stick. The fans will be arranged so that a giant “Rangers” is spelled out and the results will be filmed from a helicopter and shown on the Ballpark at Arlington video board at the Rangers’ April 6 home opener. Is that the most exciting thing you’ve ever heard?

In addition to being the coolest display of commitment in sports history, the Rangers also have their sights set on a Guinness World Record. If all goes to plan, the hope is that they can set the mark for “largest number of people gathered to spell out a team name with glow sticks.” As the Dallas Morning News pointed out, it doesn’t appear that the record has ever been attempted before, which is shocking since it’s such an awesome idea. I can’t wait to hear the results.

Photo Credit: Matthew Emmons-US PRESSWIRE

For a few minutes during Game 6, Josh Hamilton looked like he was going to be the hero. Hamilton, who is playing through a groin injury that would have him on the disabled list if it were the regular season, homered for the first time the entire series. His two-run blast in the 10th inning put Texas up 9-7 before Lance Berkman tied it in the bottom of the inning.

The incredible aspect of Hamilton’s home run is he said God told him it would happen.

“He said, you haven’t hit one in a while and this is the time you’re going to,” Hamilton said. “But there was a period at the end of that. He didn’t say, you’re going to hit it and you’re going to win.’”

The question is what God will tell Hamilton about the Game 7 outcome. Hopefully it will be something positive.

Hamilton says the Rangers players have a good feeling about Game 7 and that they’re not deflated. I hope so, because they’re in a tough spot after being a pitch away from winning the World Series — TWICE — and then blowing it.

Maybe God will speak to Hamilton the way he speaks to Tim Tebow, and they can all celebrate together at the gates of heaven.

While three of the four division round playoff series went the maximum five games, the Texas Rangers defeated the Tampa Bay Rays in four games. Their offense put up eight runs in Game 2, and their pitching shut it down the next two. If they seemed comfortable, it’s because they were. They’ve advanced to the ALCS for the second straight season, and they’ve beaten the Rays both times.

Pitcher C.J. Wilson, who will start Game 1 against Justin Verlander, confirmed that’s how the team feels.

“Even though we went through Tampa Bay again, it’s not that it’s old hat, but there’s familiarity,” Wilson told SI’s Jimmy Traina. “Especially since it was just last year that we were in the playoffs. It we had like a year off, maybe it would feel new, but we have virtually the same team, so people are confident and positive about where we are.”

Yeah, they have mostly the same team, plus Mike Napoli. That guy has been a beast for them, and he should be good for the LCS despite swallowing his tobacco wad on a collision at home plate. Getting back to Wilson’s comments, feeling comfortable is important for Texas.

Wilson has a daunting task; he has to face the likely AL Cy Young winner in Game 1. If he feels like he has to do too much, and make too many great pitches in order to keep up with Verlander, he’ll likely end up in trouble. But if he maintains a calm feeling — because he’s been there before — he’ll have his best chance of competing. Of course, as an Angels fan, I’m wishing the worst for Texas.

I know, I know. Upon reading the headline, I’m sure your first inclination was to throw in a cocaine joke. Ours too. But we here at LBS are tasteful, and don’t have to resort to such low-hanging fruit when it comes to humor. So we won’t.

Getting to the story, in light of all the Moneyball talk lately, Ron Washington raised some mustaches by telling the San Francisco Chronicle that if he had been named manager of the A’s in 2006, they’d be winning just like the Rangers have.

“If I took this team over when I went to Texas, I believe the same thing we did in Texas, we’d be doing here,” said Washington, referring to Oakland. “Billy (Beane) had that chance. I’m not saying he didn’t want me, but he went in another direction, and another team wanted me.”

Washington was hired to manage the Rangers in early November 2006, while the A’s went with Bob Geren a week or so later. The A’s haven’t had a winning season since, and they have finished third or worst in the AL West in four of the five seasons. Texas, meanwhile, has enjoyed three winning seasons in a row, and even reached the World Series last year. But few people, outside of Ron Washington and Ron Washington’s mother, will argue that Ron Washington is the reason the Rangers have been successful while the A’s have not.

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