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Umpire Alan Porter takes foul ball off the nuts (GIF)

Poor Alan Porter. The home plate umpire for the Tampa Bay Rays-Miami Marlins game on Wednesday was nailed in the nuts when Evan Longoria fouled off a ball that bounced in the dirt and skipped into Porter’s crotch during the fourth inning.

Between all the blown calls and foul balls to the groin, life isn’t easy being an umpire.

This isn’t Porter’s only mishap this season. Take a look at this fluke play he was part of earlier in the season:

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Shane Battier knees Roy Hibbert in the nuts (Video)

Shane Battier Roy HibbertIf you thought Roy Hibbert wasn’t all there during the first half of Game 1 of the Eastern Conference finals between the Indiana Pacers and Miami Heat, it might have to do with him getting nailed in the nuts by Shane Battier.

Battier was driving to the hoop late in the first quarter when he was challenged by the Pacers center. In an instance, two forces converged at the same place at the same time: Hibbert’s groin and Battier’s knee. Hibbert’s manly region was on the losing end of that battle.

Hibbert still had 10 points and four rebounds in the first half despite losing two balls.

Below in GIF form:

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Troy Tulowitzki grabs teammate’s nuts in postgame handshake (GIF)

Troy Tulowitzki nut grabOh nothing, just Troy Tulowitzki grabbing teammate Rafael Betancourt in the nuts after the Colorado Rockies beat the San Francisco Giants 5-0 on Sunday. Tulo hit a two-run single in the sixth, while Betancourt pitched a scoreless ninth. Betancourt initially put up some resistance to Tulo, but the shortstop would not be denied.

Between Tulo and Jeff Francoeuer, this is turning into the year of the nut shot.

Forearm bash to Deadspin

Jeff Francouer tapped third base coach in nuts after hitting triple (GIF)

Jeff-Francoeur-Royals

Kansas City Royals outfielder Jeff Francouer hit a triple in the seventh inning of his team’s win over the Tampa Bay Rays on Tuesday night, and he was so excited he decided to hand out a jimmy tap. Typically when a player reaches first or third base they go with something like a high-five or a fist bump for the base coach. That’s not Francouer’s style.

As you can see, Francouer decided to give Royals third base coach Eddie Rodriguez a friendly tap in the nuts. It was nothing like this accidental fist-pump to the groin or this blatant punch in the nuts, but it was probably enough to wake Rodriguez up if he was starting to get bored as the Royals opened things up. I’m sure he appreciated it.

GIF via Eye on Baseball

Umpire John Hirschbeck takes a foul ball to the groin (GIF)

Home plate umpire John Hirschbeck was in the line of fire on Wednesday night, and his manly region got the worst end of a foul ball.

A.J. Pierzynski was up in the fourth inning of the Texas Rangers-LA Angels game and checked his swing on a pitch from Nick Maronde. He fouled the ball off, and it nailed Hirschbeck in the groin. The umpire went down as if he had been socked in the nuts by Johnny Cage.

There was a brief delay in the game to give Hirschbeck a chance to recover.

Pierzynski ended up walking in the at-bat, and the Angels mercifully got the next batter out to end the disastrous 9-run inning by Texas.

Turns out this is actually a regular occurrence for Hirschbeck.

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Carlos Boozer nails referee Danny Crawford with celebratory fist pump (Video)

Carlos Boozer Danny CrawfordCarlos Boozer’s fist and referee Danny Crawford’s manly region collided Saturday to produce a video clip for the ages.

Boozer was working on Dirk Nowitzki in the paint and spun toward the baseline to attempt a shot during the second quarter of the Chicago Bulls-Dallas Mavericks game. Boozer made the shot despite being fouled by Dirk, and he was so stoked about making the and-1 that he gave a huge fist pump. The only problem is his fist went straight into Crawford’s manly region/leg area, leaving the referee stunned.

Boozer finished with 25 points, 11 rebounds, and 1 celebration fail in the game. The Bulls actually lost to the Mavericks 100-98, leaving Dallas only one game below .500.

Jordany Valdespin wasn’t wearing a cup when Justin Verlander nailed him in the nuts

Jordany-Valdespin-MetsA lot was made of New York Mets utility man Jordany Valdespin being hit in the man region by a Justin Verlander fastball on Monday, but many people do not understand the severity of the situation. Fortunately, Valdespin’s health has checked out fine. The thing that made the situation so scary is that he was not wearing a protective cup.

“You would think if you are starting at second base, you would be smart enough to wear a cup,” Mets manager Terry Collins said.

After he left the ballpark, the NY Post was told Valdespin wasn’t wearing a cup when he was drilled with a 94-mph fastball. Did he think you can’t get hit in the nuts during spring training just because the games don’t count? Infielders almost always wear a cup, and it’s probably smart for every position player to do the same. In fact, Valdespin proved that even designated hitters would benefit from using an athletic supporter.

“He took a hack at the first pitch and the next one — he already hit one bomb — and the next one he totally squared [toward] me,” Verlander explained. “And I’m like, ‘Oh God, this isn’t going to be good.’ Right out of the hand it’s like, ‘Oh, [bleep]! That is right at his [genitals].’”

Valdespin said everything is “working good” when reporters caught up with him after the painful experience. Collins has warned the 25-year-old about some of his antics potentially getting him into trouble, such as irritating Washington Nationals ace Stephen Strasburg a couple of weeks ago when he faked a bunt to lead off a spring training game. If you want to get under the skin of opposing pitchers, it’s probably even more critical that you protect the family jewels.