So we’ve heard all the stories about the 100,000 condoms available at the Olympic Village in Beijing to promote safe sex. That figure breaks down to about 10 condoms per Olympian. They must be getting crazy busy to fill up all those balloons. And it’s no surprise considering all the noise the Redeem Team’s been making with the ladies, not to mention the recent Michael Phelps and Stephanie Rice tandem that contributor Hop-A-Long pointed out. Anyway, just in case you were wondering if those 100,000 jimmy hats were a lofty figure, Matthew Syed is here to set you straight:

I am often asked if the Olympic village - the vast restaurant and housing conglomeration that hosts the world’s top athletes for the duration of the Games - is the sex-fest it is cracked up to be. My answer is always the same: too right it is. I played my first Games in Barcelona in 1992 and got laid more often in those two and a half weeks than in the rest of my life up to that point. That is to say twice, which may not sound a lot, but for a 21-year-old undergraduate with crooked teeth, it was a minor miracle.

Barcelona was, for many of us Olympic virgins, as much about sex as it was about sport.

Honestly, is anyone surprised by this? The Olympic Village is like a summer sleep-away camp but worse — you’re sticking a bunch of sexually deprived world-class athletes all in closed quarters, with nothing but raging, competitive hormones pumping through their veins. I would say I can’t imagine what it’s like, but I have a pretty good idea. Perhaps the London Games knew what they were doing when they created this logo for the 2012 Games. And if anyone is shagging one of these fine ladies, I’m totally jealous.

Honestly, horse doping? Are you kidding me? This might be worse than the billiards doping scandal. I’m still uneasy over my conjecture that half the athletes in the games — if not more — are on something illegal. Just read Game of Shadows to answer all your track questions, and take your wildest guess about wrestlers, martial artists, rowers, and basically anything else where additional strength can help you. And as nieve as it sounds, I can’t get used to the fact that people would actually be pumping horses with illegal steroids. Gross. But apparently it’s happened and caused horses to be kicked out of the games:

Four horses have been banned from competing in Thursday’s Olympic Games jumping competition for doping, the International Equestrian Federation (FEI) announced here Thursday. The horses - representing Brazil, Germany, Ireland and Norway - had been suspended after testing positive for a prohibited substance, the FEI, which controls the sport, said in a statement.
…
In its statement, the FEI said the four horses had been “provisionally suspended by the FEI further to doping/medication control tests that indicated the present of capsaicin in each horse”.

“Capsaicin is classified as a ‘doping’ prohibited substance given its hypersensitising properties, and as a ‘medication class A’ prohibited substance for its pain relieving properties,” the statement said.

By the way, these are show horses we’re talking about here. Show horses. And who said equestrian was a sport for the classy, the elegant? This is disgusting.

One of the questions I kept hearing during the Olympics — especially last week while Aquaman was dominating in the pool — was “Where’s Michael Phelps’ father? Does he have a dad?” I was wondering the same thing too, so with a basic search, I came to find out that his parents divorced when he was young. Even that being the case, it was still surprising not to see anything about his dad, especially considering how much coverage his mother received last week. Well MDS at FanHouse shares an interview from the NY Post that somewhat elaborates on the relationship (or lack thereof) between Michael and his father. Apparently Fred Phelps hasn’t spoken with his son since the Beijing Olypmics, adding:

“I’m very proud of him and all he’s done,” Fred said as he aimed to deflect attention away from the severed relationship. “This is not about me, it’s about him.”

Although he didn’t hop a plane for Beijing to see his son compete, the elder Phelps said he “watched [Michael] every night on TV” last week.

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Every day for the past two weeks I’ve been giving the medal count on-air. Problem is it just never felt right saying it, or just looking at the standings, that the U.S. was first. When China has won almost double as many golds as us while we’re just racking up silvers and bronzes, doesn’t that mean they’re doing better at the Olypmics than us? When Chinese reporters and news outlets give the medal count, do they have themselves as the top country? I wouldn’t be surprised if they did — it makes more sense that they should be first. It’s just odd that we can spin the medal count to make it look like we’re winning the games. Thing is, there’s a very simple way to solve this issue — have the IOC create an official Weighted Medal Count.

In order to make the total count seem more reflective of a country’s performance, the easiest way to keep score of medals would be a simple 3-2-1 with three points going to the country that won gold etc. But there’s even a problem with that; should every gold won in fencing, track, swimming, and shooting count the same as a medal won in a team event that required several wins in pool play a la soccer, basketball, and volleyball? An improved weighted system should assign points to each event — a gold in soccer worth 14, silver 12, bronze 10, and a gold in shooting worth 3, silver 2, bronze 1. Wouldn’t that make a lot more sense? They’re constantly making tweaks to which sports can or cannot be played in the Olympics, why not come out with an official scoring system? Not as if they don’t have four years to figure it out, right?

By popular demand, we have the All-Hottest Olympians Team. Usually they have the all-tournament teams and stuff, but athletic prowess is not exactly what concerns us in this instance. After all, what else are the Summer Games good for? Anyway, Jimmy Traina at SI Extra Mustard gave us plenty of excellent choices and provided some inspiration for this carefully selected group. Same with Brahsome who put together a hottest 11 Olympians list, and FanIQ’s Olympians that posed in Playboy.

LERYN FRANCO - Javelin, Paraguay, With Leather favorite

ANA IVANOVIC - Tennis, Serbia, LBS favorite

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Apparently the Olympics are good for something, contrary to my previous beliefs. Generally I like to avoid gymnasts because their hormones are suppressed to slow their physical development, making them look like little kids (if they aren’t already little kids, that is). Much to my surprise (and delight), the Olympics team actually has a hot girl on it. And she’s 20. And she’s kinda developed. It’s Alicia Sacramone. And she ain’t bad. Check it:

Now I’m not saying she’s Ana Ivanovic status, but she definitely is solid enough to become the 10th Olympian to pose for Playboy. And who cares if she cost us a Gold Medal? She has something those other girls will never have. You know what I’m talking about.

UPDATE: Also see Hottest Olympians at Beijing