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Friday, October 31, 2014

How Long Before Jeff Weaver Gets Cut?

As far as dog shit pitching goes, Jeff Weaver is coming as close as you can get. And yes, I have the right to say this because I am an Angels fan and experienced exactly what Mariners fans are going through right now. In 2006, while getting paid over $8 million, Weaver went 3-10 with a 6.29 ERA in 16 starts, allowing opponents to hit .309 against him. Yes, .309, not a typo. Then he gets cut and picked up by the Cards where he became a World Series hero. So being this pitcher-shortened day in age, Jeff Weaver got signed to another one year deal, for a little over $8 million again. So let me break this down for you in simple chat room form: Jeff Weaver is getting paid multiple million dollars to get his head beat in. Witness his first four starts of the year:

  1. 2 INN, 7 ER, 2 BB, 1 K, Mariners lose 14-3. Weaver 0-1, ERA 31.50
  2. 6 INN, 7 ER, 1 BB, 3 Ks, Mariners lose 11-1. Weaver 0-2, ERA 15.75
  3. 3 INN, 3 ER, 7 BB, 0 BB, 3 Ks, Mariners lose 6-1. Weaver 0-3, ERA 13.91
  4. 0.1 INN, 6 ER, 1 BB, 0 K, Mariners lose 8-3. Weaver 0-4, ERA 18.26

Fuck it, Hargrove might as well just call in a forfeit ahead of time on Weaver’s turn in the rotation and spare his bullpen the work. Which brings me to … the when will Jeff Weaver get cut? Gentlemen…place your bets

When will that turd Jeff Weaver get cut?
Tomorrow
Once he hits 0-10
When his weed stash is lower than his ERA
Never, he’ll turn it around
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