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Thursday, October 30, 2014

Jason Giambi’s Slump-Breaking Thong

Roids, HGH, non-apology apologies aside, this is what makes Jason Giambi a fun guy. In a recent interview with Portfolio, Jason Giambi said that he wears a Golden Thong whenever he needs to break out of a slump:

The deepest, darkest secret harbored by the New York Yankees first baseman is that whenever he is in a prolonged hitting funk, he wears a gold lamé, tiger-stripe thong under his uniform. “I only put it on when I’m desperate to get out of a big slump,” he confides.

Over Giambi’s checkered career in the Bronx, he has left the “golden thong” in the lockers of slumping teammates Derek Jeter, Bernie Williams, Johnny Damon, Robin Ventura, and Robinson Cano. “All of them wore it and got hits,” he reports. “The thong works every time.”

I’m just hoping Giambi hasn’t actually seen them put it on, nor dance around the clubhouse with it. And I love that mix by the way; Bernie Williams seems too mild-mannered and woman-chasing averse to wear it, and Robin Ventura just seems too old for it. Giambi: Party like a rock star, hammer like a porn star, rake like an All-Star. There’s only so long that crap lasts. Eventually it catches up to you, and that crap doesn’t fly in New York. That, and the lack of “help” I’m sure has contributed to Giambi’s decline. But that golden thong undoubtedly taken from Bull Durham is fantastic. If he could ever convince Mariano Rivera to wear it … well god bless him.



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