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#pounditSaturday, September 26, 2020

Jonathan Martin shares heartfelt story about his life, attempting suicide

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Jonathan Martin announced last month that he is retiring from football. The former NFL offensive lineman reportedly needed back surgery and may not have been able to play in 2015, but it sounds like that wasn’t the only reason he decided to hang up the spikes.

While much has been reported about Martin since the Miami Dolphins bullying scandal erupted two years ago, Martin has rarely offered information about his personal life. He changed that with a lengthy post on Facebook Wednesday that he also shared on Twitter.

The entire narrative is worth reading. Martin began by explaining how he moved to Los Angeles at age 10 and never fit in at the private school he attended. He said he didn’t want to “scare the little rich white kids or their parents” but wasn’t “black enough” for the African-American community.

“Your talent and accomplishments on the field never seem to be able to overcome the demons that you carry with you from your middle school and high school experience,” Martin wrote. “You’re always inadequate, always the “p—y,” the “weird kid who acts white.”

Martin described his first experiences in the NFL as a “wake up call,” noting that he should have been able to say “f— it, you’re making millions” but hated his locker room situation and how he was different and more sensitive than other players.

“Your job leads you to attempt to kill yourself on multiple occasions,” he continued. “Your self-perceived social inadequacy dominates your every waking moment and thought. You’re petrified of going to work. You either sleep 12, 14, 16 hours a day when you can, or not at all. You drink too much, smoke weed constantly, have trouble focusing on doing your job, playing the sport that you grew up obsessed with.”

Martin ends by discussing how money and fame don’t matter, which would help explain the tweet that he sent earlier this month. The powerful message ends on a positive note, with the former Stanford star talking about the people who matter in his life and wanting to help others who might feel like he always has. We strongly recommended reading it in its entirety.

Bravo to you for sharing, J-Mart.

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