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Old Field Gets Ass Kicked Again

Refusing to retire, Evander Old Field continues to soldier on, tarnishing his reputation, and further scrambling his brains, with every fight he accepts. After losing a unanimous decision that wasn’t even close, the codger is now 42-9 in his career. Matter of fact, it’s hard to even remember a time when Old Field was a legitimate player on the heavyweight scene. I don’t know if the man has any family, but at this point, they should step in and bar Evander from ever fighting again. If you think Ali looks bad these days, I can’t imagine what Old Field will look like in 20 years. This is a sad, sad state of affairs for Old Field. And sadly, I have no sympathy for the man.

Derrick Mason Probable With.. Diarrhea

Yeah man, no joke. I was thumbing through Rotoworld to find out the latest injury news from the NFL, only to come across this one for Derrick Mason. Let me just say that I’ve seen some strange ailments on the injury reports, and I’ve heard of Andy Roddick losing a match because he got sick eating fast food, but I don’t know if I’ve seen anything quite this personal:

Wide receiver Derrick Mason sat out with an unusual ailment, according to [Head Coach Brian] Billick.

“He’s got – as Tess [trainer Bill Tessendorf] says – gastroenteritis,” Billick said. “In my neighborhood, that’s [diarrhea]. So you put whatever label you want to.”

Apparently Taco Bell strikes in Baltimore as badly as it does in LA. I feel for you, Derrick Mason, I feel for you. And next time this happens, just have Coach Billick say you have the stomach flu, OK?

No Babies for Longoria and Parker

I love it when employees are told what to do. For instance, you work at Disneyland, you can’t have facial hair; you play for Davey Johnson, you can’t wear jewelry; you work for the Knicks, you’re forced to copulate with Stephon Marbury. Well, keeping in that vain, looks like T. Parker will have to stay true to his Durex for the next year or so. From The Mirror, via Ben Maller:

If newly-wed Eva Longoria was hoping to start a family straightaway, she hadn’t reckoned on the bizarre interference of her Desperate Housewives boss.

The show’s creator Marc Cherry has slapped a sensational baby ban on Eva and her husband, French basketball star Tony Parker.

It means the couple, who got married in July, will have to wait at least a year before they can get down to the serious business of making babies.

I love that. Popovich tells his players not to get drunk and chase tail on the road, they’ll tell him to eff off. TV execs tell Longoria not to get pregnant, and Parker must oblige. Funny the way the world works. I suppose this can only be good for Tony’s career — at least he won’t have to worry about changing diapers any time soon.

Travis Pastrana Is One Crazy Mofo

When it comes to crazy behavior, I’m one of the more conservative folks you can meet. I don’t bungee jump, I don’t hanglide, and I don’t jump out of planes. In truth, I find the act of dismounting from a bunk bed somewhat unsettling. That’s why when I read stories about X-Gamers jumping out of airplanes without effing parachutes on, I am just utterly, hopelessly, incredibly, incensed by it! Via With Leather and stellar LBS commenter, Scott Van Pelt Style, we have the story of motocross biker Travis Pastrana, who did just what I described above.

On Wednesday, September 26, Pastrana hopped a flight from his home in Davidsonville, MD, to Arecibo, Puerto Rico, to perform a stunt he’s been dreaming up for more than a year. The next morning, four members of his group skydived from a single-engine Cessna from 12,500 feet. Pastrana performed his jump wearing only sunglasses, socks and surf trunks while holding a can of Red Bull.

He was not wearing a parachute.

The jump was the latest in a string of stunts the motocross legend is filming for his next video Thrillbillies, the fifth installment in his Travis and the Nitro Circus series.

I join Ufford at WL in calling this guy an A-hole for doing that. Get an effing life, bro. You got people all over the world fighting for their lives on a daily basis, and this guy’s sitting there essentially laughing at each one of them in the face. There’s no way someone who would pull off such a stunt could actually value life. What an absolute insult to humanity. Willingly putting yourself so close to death? What a joke.

Week Six NFL Picks

Last week I introduced you to my new series at FanHouse where I’m picking games against the spread. In the first installment, we hit on all three picks to go 3-0. Here are my week six picks, and as you might have guessed, I offer my thoughts on the Cowboys/Patriots game.

Roger Clemens: Terrible Investment

When the Yankees paid through the roof to sign Roger Clemens, I argued that the Red Sox should have out-bid them. My reasoning was simple: there weren’t many pitchers available to improve a struggling Yankees team, and locking up Roger Clemens could have been the nail in the coffin. I still stand by my reasoning, though the numbers suggest otherwise. Check out the horrific breakdown of what the Yankees ended up paying Roger Clemens:

Since the Yankees season is based on 182 days, that means Clemens salary of $28,000,022 was prorated to 115 days. Based on this, Clemens received a total of $17,690,413 for the season.

Using that number, here’s the breakdown:

Per Pitch: $10,748
Per Inning: $175,152
Per Start: $982,801
Per Win: $2,948,402

Yikes! Mark Cuban’s interest rate thinks that’s a lot of money. All I know is this: had Clemens realized he was going to make 10 grand per pitch, he probably would’ve thrown a lot more of them. Just sayin’.

Chest Bump PostmanE at FanHouse

Fans Threaten Tebow with Death

Such is the life when you’re quite the prominent athletic figure, playing in a conference full of rabid fans. But what happens when said fans obtain your phone number? The answer: bedlam ensues.

Tim Tebow said the calls and messages began arriving last Tuesday, but he didn’t answer any of the calls. By the end of the week, the calls and messages had become overwhelming.

Some of the messages sent to the former Nease High School standout’s cell phone threatened bodily harm and even death, Tebow’s father, Bob, told the Times-Union on Tuesday.

Shame on you, LSU fans. Why does everything always have to come down to Teabagging those jean short wearing fans? Why can’t you just be more civil like those Florida fans?